JAPAN!!

Watashi wa anata o shūryō shinakereba naranai!

Sore wa, kon'ya no amedesu. Sō watashi wa sore ga watashi ga ashita mezameru bun o tōketsu suru koto kitai shiteimasu. To chotto! Ashita wa sudeni suiyōbidesu! Watashi wa sore ga yoi koto ka dō ka shiranai. Hayasugiru idō jikan wa, yoikoto ni naru koto wa arimasen. Sore ga atta baai demo, sono hotondo ga no kekka o matte iru yōna kinkyū jitai no tame ni. Ā, naze watashi wa anata ga motomeru nihongo de tasu yo? Sate, watashi dake de totsuzen sore ga de soko ni subete o machigaeru koto no yōna! Haha!

i dont know why exactly but im in japanese mood right now...maybe its because fairy tail...i like natsu's way of speaking sometimes...plus...making people confused is totally cool...and i figured out...the way the japanese people speak is something cute XD...ahahha...well..im a little too lazy to translate the thing i said up there soo all you guys have to do is translate yourself XD

im EEEVIL...i feel hype up right now...maybe its because of the honey tea i just drank at my gran's house...anyways...i feel like i wasnt to learn japanese..i mean..i do know a few words like 'gambate' or ' sayonara' etc. but to learn the full language is AWESOMER...i dont know if that word even exist...anyways...on to todays update.................nothing...just me enjoying the freaked out faces of innocent souls XD

my god what's got into me! haha....owh well..nothing happened today...just the usual routine...wake up, have some hot milo, played clary (practicing the chords) go online, tried to write scared the kids, got bored, watched fairy tail, and passed out on the bed for 3 hours...and blablabla...yadayadayada...

that's about it that happened...well i feel like staying up all night tonight..even though im actually tired right now...i finished helios eclipse in an hour last night...and got nightmares after that -__- ok you know what i think im gonna disappear..im talking nonsense now XD PEACE OUT!

Monday....

monday is never really a good day for everyone here...i mean..its a lazy day to be honest...i woke up early and didn't go back to sleep this morning...for some reason i couldn't get my eyes to close...but then, i ate a spoon of honey and two pieces of bread with honey...i guess that's what pumped me up...i was actually planning to post earlier this day but then granma wanted me to accompany her to her tailor where she bought an expensive 'baju kurung' and three expensive 'tudung'...

we went to DayaBumi to get those things...and heck i didnt expect the city to be that busy...so that's about it...the city was a demi hell...i mean...it's holiday for Selangor today soo i guess most parents are like rushing to the city to buy cheap school things for their kids who are busy lazying and getting obessitized by games and computers and cartoons...after arriving home i just suddenly felt awfully tired...i passed out for 4 hours straight after watching FairyTail on Animax...(ERZA ROCKS XD!)

anyways...right now...i feel a little sick but i guess i'll be just fine...i think its because i walked through a light rain in the morning and also night yesterday...ehehhe....owh well...life without getting sick or injured ain't fun right? ahaha...there goes my reckless side XD....well...there's not much i can actually say...i mean..i've been practicing the new G chord that i wasn't use to yet since Felix wanted me to get use to that one...and looks like i could handle it now...but not 100% perfect yet...well...i guess i'll let the night would go on tonight...and i think i'd be staying up late too XD PEACE OUT!

Silver strings

i love music ^_^

Clary is officially having silver strings now...i call it her new 'bling" XD...the studio was out of acoustic strings so the guy (who is super cute) recommended me an alternative which was going for the electric guitar strings...since clary was in desperate need of the new "bling" i just take it...plus it was cheap...ehehe

so anyways...i went to the hall where the studios were and waited there since Mr. Felix wasn't done teaching his pupil which i presume has already been there for a while...after that guy was done, i entered...and that was when my lesson started...we didnt do much since we had limited time...we just jammed out on a 70's song from the movie "armagadon" but for one thing is that Felix thought i was 17 or 18 XD....seriously though...do i look that old?

second thing is that he said im...."talented"....which im still having a hard time believing...but those words are from a pro guitarist..soo...i'll just put that in consideration...all in all...the class was great...i like Felix a lot and he's super awesome...well...this is just the first lesson..and heck i can't wait for next week! daaamn...i wish time would go faster but then...i dont want that to happen...this year is going like a race car already..

after the class me and my family went for a fancy dinner at a golf club restourant...which was sooo 5 star-ish...but Dang!! was the dark choco fandant SPECTACULAWESOME! seriously...it's like the pro version of mom's brownies...the austrailian premium steak was fantastic too...other than that i think the bill just reached up to 2K...haha...well..at least the food was worth it....so now im at home feeling beat up and sleepy and i dont know if i want to sleep yet XD well...i guess i should stop...dont want to over post this thing XD PEACE OUT!

New Apprentice

one day...that guitar is mine

today is finally the day of my first EVER guitar class with my guitar tutor, Mr. Felix...its about 4 hrs and 20 minutes left before i would go to Wangsa Walk and attend the class...well actually im going a little early since clary needs her strings to get changed to brand new ones...i mean...the heck with the idea of me coming in class with rusted strings -__-and i dont want a bad impression on being his new apprentice

and i hope all will be ok...im both excited and freaked out by the fact that this is my first class...i dont want to seem so messed up...and to be honest i dont really want to learn strumming songs anymore..im getting bored by that now...if i want to play the guitar...then let me play like a pro...aaanyways...nobody is at home for now...just mom and my baby brother and me..my little brother is having a football tournament right now..and i wis best of luck to him...i mean..he has potentials...just like his sister XD

i didnt go an watch him because i was jogging this morning with my bestfriend...and yeah...it was dll today...and it rained a little but hey, all went well...and i really wish i could throw a rock at the men that were building new sets of houses beside the road...seriously...they. are. ANOYYING. well..there's not much going on right now....LIKE DUHH...its just 1.47 om right now...the day is still starting...anyways...hope you guys out there have a nice rainy day XD. PEACE OUT!

Red Moon (well actually its orange but the heck with it)

my fantasy

in every night that i spent on looking at the beautiful dark sky...tonight...goes to the very top of my list...tonight was the night of the lunar eclipse...its my first time watching it...and hey! my window just happen to have a spectaculawesom view...so i practically risked my life sitting on the ledge (which was three stories up) and stared at the red moon for over an hour while calling Dawn and hero while watching it...and i sure did wish that i would lay in the grass in a meadow side by side with hero....*dreaming*

i never really knew that the lunar eclipse is actually the moon turning orangy red...and i thought it was in a short period of time...but turns out, as i watched it...it's almost been 2 freggin' hours...so my neck hurts a bit now...but tonight was AWeSOME...well the clouds kept on bugging but hey..Allah answered my prayers and wishes and he lets the cloud disappear and the moon into view until the end of the amazing show of the eclipse...i swear...i will never forget this night...

its was beautiful...to what song did i listen to? Big Time Rush's worldwide..XD and believe me...the song was PERFECTO for the event! i kept on replaying it too. XD anyways...as i looked at the window one more time to see the moon, its shining it's glorious shine once again and lighting up the night sky with its pure white light....there i go again with the sentimental thing..XD

even though the eclipse glow was dim, but it was still a spectacular even for me...this is...such an amazing night...and i terribly didnt want it to go away at all...but time doesnt stop no matter what so there's nothing i can do..and im sure the moon is also telling me to go to sleep since i have a jogging session with my bestfriend tomorrow morning XD so i hope you guys out there actually saw this eclipse...and again...just go out and see..your worlds is just plain fuckin' fantastic XD PEACE OUT!

Worldwide

"yes, i may, meet a million pretty boys that know my name, but don't you worry, 'cause you have my heart"

-- BTR

yeaps...that line up there is officially laser printed to my brain....why? bacause that is what i feel to the love of my life...that's why you should never be jealous hero ^_^ i'm sorry i haven't updated for a while...i didn't really have the ideas nor i have the feeling to tell you anything...life as always had come and go as usual...the usual pain and suffering...and also happiness and joy...ok im being sentimental..0_0

ok let me just shorten the drama of my life...i went to a football match (pure awesomeness),, had my dream come true for the 3rd time....(ain't gonna tell you what :P) had my downs....had my ups...lovin' music soo much...blablabla same old same old...this week, i've seen my sisters (unbiological obviously) for three times...which is some what of the greatest things that happened in a loooong list of sadness i had...

i had them over to my house today...we jammed out and Dawn had finished the lyrics of a song for us...and yeah...we have a really great time...when Dawn had to go back home i hung out with Twi for another hour...we watched the moon and act as normal sister do...and i felt guilty not talking to hero...but i've been thinking about you worldwide hero :)...anyways, im hoping to see my sisters again soon...i mean..i freaking miss them already...and i miss him too...

eahhwlaalallwalla i know you guys are thinking "oooh Max is being all emotional"...well..im sorry about that...i just...feel...happy...i cant stop smiling to myself right now...even though after this that smile on my face would disappear, i'll cherish this moment as much as i can...so i hope nothing would erase it...so i will always remember that old happy me is still somewhere...anyways...sorry for the short post this time...seriously...nothing out worldly had happened so i really got nothing to entertaining for you guys...sorry...but let me tell you this..go out...look at the sky...and imagin the world is yours...PEACE OUT!

the nothing day

i woke up early because of another usual nightmare that shot me awake TWICE yesterday (its pass midnigtht so im just assuming now is already thursday) the reason yesterday was the nothing day because i woke up knowing i can't trust anyone...and yesterday was a horrible day...nothing happened...and heck i hate the day...im not making sense am i?...well im just posting this b'cause im just killing time...im tried but i cant sleep...for some reason i find asking questions on yahoo is soooo cool XD...anyways...PEACE OUT!

a dying thumbdrive...

LOLZ XD

this is the story of a girl who failed to save her thumbdrive but manage to save its memory...

one day a girl was dying in boredom as any days had to offer her...she spent the whole morning sleeping until midday...when she woke up she got nothing to do so she decided to just write her story...she had completed about half of her story and she was gleefully (and boredomly) writing three stories at one time...

she then paused for an hour as she went out for a ride on her cousin's bike then came back again and started writing again...then, her father called to get ready to go home...they went for dinner after that and got herself hyper by drinking too much sugar content sarsi float...when she came back she went to the computer only to be reminded of her thumbdrive...that she had left in the pocket of her army pants...her eyes went wide and prayed that her mother hadn't put the pants into the washing machine but it was too late....her mother had already done it...

her heart pounded in her chest like mad and she urgently asked her mother whether she could open the machine and check the pocket...her mother said yes...and so she instantly opened the washing machine as it was almost full of water...and her army pants were already wet...the worst she had expected had came true...her thumbdrive was in the pocket and it was wet...she quickly tried to revive it and transfer all her work into the computer..."c'mon! dont die on me! dont die on me!" she yelled out, making her parents think she was crazy...she panicked when the computer couldn't read the thumbdrive...the thumbdrive died on her for many times"im losing him! NO! stay alive!" she yelled out again. her mother cast her a worried look, thinking 'my daugther is going insane'...

it was after countless tries of reviving the thumbdrive, it came to life but it's life span was very short..."save...you...work.."it whispered to her...and with that she quickly copied every file the thumbdrive had and saved it to the computer as the thumbdrive finally died... she mourned for the thumbdrive...it had given lots of pressure and care...she soon buried it in her drawer...

(inspired by a true story which happen about several minutes ago XD)


PEACE OUT!

whats worst?

the middle one is me...-__-

i felt like i wanted to kill myself rather than lived through this BORING day..this is mauly why i hated holidays...its BORING...i dont know how many times i could say boring..but heck today was boring XD...anyways...i just got back from gran's house...not feeling that hyped either...mom and i had those "sessions" in the car where she tells me about how she's still sad about Dad being a total jerk...

and i just listened and listened as i've always had and answered and gave statements like i always did...times like those i just wondered when is she going to listens to me...whatever it is...im not sure if i want to be emo..though i already am...heesh...im always emo..when the hell was i wasnt? *thinking* ok mabe there is moments when im happy go lucky but still

anyways, mom said i can go for guitar lessons just to spen my unspended-on-something-usefull time...though she asked me to tell dad...hmm...that could actually be a problem...i mean..he never thinks of anyone except himself (hey at least i care about people. if i hadn't i wouldn't even fight to stay ok everynight for hero's sake)...i probably would persuade him as fast as i could...b'cause i seriously cant stand the boredom anymore...

plus, i get to finish a song...only the melody seem soo lame...and im building up my confidence by just doing things without being emberrased...like singing outside for instance...or, my latest plan, do a guitar tutorial on either youtube or fb...but i guess i'll be starting on FB first being i go to the next giant step...

i know this is getting boring but the thing is...im just making myself a purpose to not to watch the football game...why? coz i dont want to have a heart attack at my young age...they're playing horribly...-__-...i hope i can go over to Zai's house this week...i mean...i already told her that she could come over this weekend...and we sooo need to catch up...i guess i'll stop here for now...my daily life its still going on... PEACE OUT!

THE END

what's worst than suicide? getting a hell lot of pain that comes smacking at the middle of my chest...im not sure why but my emotions are driving me crazy...driving me insane would be the exact statement...i seriously dont want hero to worry... i honestly dont want him to think of me much right now that he's in London enjoying himself...

he doesn't have to think about me...now let me re-count this...this past week? no...this past...2 weeks i guess...my mind is going out of control...i couldn't control that monster in me any longer... how much i even try...i just ended up making it worst...the last thing i want to do is cry...i know i haven't cried for a dang long time but who the HELL FUCKING CARES! it's my problem that i hate crying...

its not worth all of the tears...for some reason i couldn't even read hero's message in his blog...that pain in my chest amplifies to agony...i practically forced myself to finish reading it...and yeah...its sweet and it reminds me of how much i miss him...but im too fragile...im like a freagin' glass right now for screaming out loud...what's wrong with me? has the loneliness conquered me already?

im not blaming you for going hero...not at all...nor do i care if you lose that bullet necklace i bought you (seriously, i lost mine already)...what i care is you worrying for me...DONT...no matter what the freaking reason you have in mind...and if you even get to read this...i want you to promise me...

b'cause that worry is for a stupid reason...im sure i can still survive...how long? i have no idea...maybe its soon that i start to cut my hands with a knife and enjoy the pain to cover up the agony i have...or maybe its soon that it will all be over...i don't know...i dont understand myself even more than you guys do...im an unsolved murder case...

my heart is hurting again...and i dont like that feeling...it hurts and damn right its f-ing annoying...oh did i tell you i bought a totally emo-ish but cool rockers t-shirt? it has a skull riding a harley XD...ok that was soo out of topic...back to whatever the shit i was talking about and imma cut it out short...my ribs was hurting too...nightmares never stopped, you tell me if that isn't annoying...depression eating me alive...those things will soon probably turn me upside down...CALL ME EMO AND I WON'T CARE FOR ANY SHIT REASON! ( i should just change this blog title to "the voice of a dying survivor")...The story of me... The End...

Dear doctor, fix my heart

my uncle's wedding turned out just fine...everybody got their food...everybody got the entertainment...everybody got the pictures with the newly wedded husband and wife...blablabla everybody's happy... i am too...kinda...

i fell asleep at the wrong time just now...if i was awake hero and i would've had the time to at least talk to each other...

but no...i just had to fall asleep no thanks to tiredness...damn i felt like my heart just got speared when i said hi and he just had to go....owh well...nothing i could do about that can i?

i smiled like i just got the best birthday present of my freaking life when he started to reply to my comments...huuh.....i seriously can't have hope sometimes ya know? im not blaming him at all for having to go...i totally understand...its just that my heart is too fragile that's all..i sometimes just need to strengthen it up...like now for instance...

whatever...i cant be selfish...he deserves the vacation so i better not let him worry (if you are worried hero, i'd kill you) im sure my sould doctor would fix me up....but sometimes...even the greatest doctor couldn't fix a heart...

Final Destination and kids XD

i've been born a good girl before i joined the teenager world...and believe me, you wouldn't even recognize me if you look at me when i was from the age of 7 to 11 XD...nowadays...im a little against kids and violence...but you know what? watching their terrified faces is just awesome...

i know i know...its very bad of me...but heck...if you're not a teenager then please kindly back off (yes im not swearing)..i was just watching final destination with my cousin when the kids started to join us watching it....i feel like only my youngest little brother was enjoying the movie XD...

the others were...well,...i dont know...not that...uuh...horrified? ok maybe thier just disturbed by the gruesome deaths...thank goodness the movie didn't really show the scenes much...haha...haaa....whatever...

anyways...i might not even be able to touch the computer tomorrow since the wedding of my uncle is going to be packed with people (ok not really he said there are less people expected) currently the situation around the house are tired scared kids who are probably going to have nightmares tonight and me and my cousin who is currently reading what i'm writing are watching NHL game...seriously...the sport is just interesting...and ROUGH

anyways...i think i'd better stop...though i would try to update on the what-goes-on tomorrow...im sure its just like other weddings...lots of people and lots of food...i feel like im going to be diabetic after tomorrow XD...so PEACE OUT!

i wish i could scream

the monster inside me, locked up and screaming

the thing i hate about being forced to wake up early in the morning is waking up with my stomach hurting like heck...its both annoying and painful...and the most uncomfortable feeling...EVER...i couldn't sleep well last night...probably because i was sleeping on the floor which was only cover with a thick blanket...

so lets just say i didn't just woke up with a stomach ache but also depression and back pain -__- the cold water of the shower snapped me out of Lala land but now im just sleepy again..b'cause i have nothing to do...and there is another problem...i just dont know WTF that people want from me...

if i read, i get yelled at. if i sit around and post this, i get yelled at, when i try to help i get yelled at, and when i do nothing at all i get yelled at...now..tell me who the hell in this god-awful world isn't annoyed by that fact? if you aren't annoyed then something's wrong with you...this is what happens when i wake up too early and have less sleep last night...i get GRUMPY...and like the title stated...i just wish i could scream...but of course...i just never did that...as in, scream my heart out...sigh....

or maybe its just mood swings...i honestly don't know...well, like i said before..my emotions doesn't matter to them so why would it matter to me right? anyways...i was watching the wushu tournament for the SEA games...to be honest its interesting even if its soft...i mean...watching those athletes body moving soo fluid like is just amazing...

if only i could just learn a bit...heck i wish i could learn every single martial there is out there...oh well...dreams are meant to be shattered...okok...i really don't mean to sound emo...i truelly don't want to be emo...for hero's sake...but..you know...i can't always control my annoyance and anger much nowadays...

honestly though im just a little lonely...none of the people here understand me let alone just leave me the heck alone when i just dont want to talk about the FREAKING PMR RESULTS! if i can i just want to damn that exam to the deepest pits of hell...sigh...if only if i could make myself look in the mirror and feel better instead of looking at a stranger...oh well...

i guess i should stop this ranting on my own emotion problems...i should let it go...for hero...i have too...he trust that i can so i guess i should trust myself that i could...talk about my life's drama...-_- i'm going to disappear now... PEACE OUT!

Football/soccer and me...

here i am on the table (not literally) in front of this computer trying to not watch the game between my country and Indonesia go against each other on the SEA games which is soccer...im trying not to witness it b'cause the game would just drive me insane...which is bad b'cause i wouldn't be able to control my cursing XD...

and...people will find it extremely annoying when i start to scream at the TV like a lunatic from an asylum who has canthandleplayersplayinglikeshitabnosis :p...and believe me...it has happened before...and i think curses of a thousand languages came out of my darned mouth...

its not that i have a problem with soccer games or world tournaments like the Barcleys Premier League. i love the game but i just have a problem with the players playing like shit...i mean, who the hell wouldn't go crazy in front of the Tv if the players are all playing like Shit? if there is those kinds of people...well...they're just not worthy to be called FANS/ supporters...

anyways...my country < Malaysia< is currently leading 1-0 with indonesia...hopefully those guys would kill the Indonesians...well, hopefully at least...as long as they wont get tooo high on the first score...if they lose...i'll start cursing...oh well...for what it's worth...im just going to watch The Hunger Games trailer till i fall a sleep XD PEACE OUT!

ps: i love you hero! ^_^

idolizing things...

first off, i just noticed this is actually my third post for this day...huh...i guess im just following what other bloggers are doing...i mean...i was just randomly checking out people's blog last night...and yeah...they're all cool...the thing that caught me was that their post are just...WHOA...i mean..i don't really know how many time's they post everyday but seriously...i feel like my 104th post is nothing compared to theirs...

so i guess im just trying to follow their footsteps...and probably try to post as much as i can...even if i think nobody is reading this freaking blog...I mean im not known in this world of blogging...like heck i would...-__-

anyways...im looking out the imaginary window just thinking of what hero is doing right now...im sure its still morning there in London...hmmm...i dont really know why...but...i couldn't help but going on facebook and checking for him if he was online or messages from him for i don't know how many times now...including checking my phone every five minute and at the same time knowing there would be no messages for me...

wait, i told you about that phone thing...whatever...all im saying is i just miss him...feeling a little jet lagged...blablabla...and a sudden constant urge to just eat some creme brulee...seriously though, i think im high for that thing...its like...druggers with drugs...0_0..haha...whatever...

and for some reason my back ribs was hurting for the whole morning today...i dont really now why...probably its because i slept on the wrong side of the bed...i must somehow get my mindd off the fact of thinking those pains came from my nightmares...sigh...how much it truely anoys me when i think about it...why? b'cause im a naive girl...nothing much has gone around for the moment...i guess i'd stop now ^_^ PEACE OUT!

ps: i love you hero!

the monsoon season...

i'm just looking out the window, wondering when you'll be back

as usual on this end of the year, the monsoon season comes with intentions of making people sigh in relief and just wants to bugs us everyday in the evening...why? because in the afternoon/morning...it starts out with the normal beautiful (not coming from the mouth of a night angel) day when in the evening when you are practically planning to just go out and have a jog, it rains like crazy and makes everything cold and dreadful...(talk about bad timing for mother nature)

okok not exactly cold and dreadful...i mean...i love the rain...but who the hell wants to get struck by lightning? currently at my hometown, the rain is calm...no signs of a storm at all...and yesterday...damn yesterday...it was FREEZING at night...

seriously...even in the evening when i drowsily woke up from a long nap, i took a almost-sending-me-to-hyperthermia shower which i regretted...i think i was being a moron to take a shower that cold in a rainy day..heesh...

anyways...its very hot right now...and i have no doubt the rain would soon bawl down the earth with its coldness and sometimes calmness...and for some reason i have a weird appetite swing today...i just noticed that i just ate about 4 and a half pieces of roti canai today...no make that 5 b'cause i ate 1 and a half of that thing in the morning for breakfast. and then ate another 3 and a half for lunch...

that's serves me for the night i guess...if my stomach wont play tricks on me that is...owh...my cousin got 4a's and 1B for her UPSR exams...honestly? im proud of her (and a little relieved coz she didn't beat me. i know...VERY bad of me)

i mean 4a's aint easy to get...especially when this 21st century is full of young Einsteins...oh well...im sure she had done her very best (now im doubting my result >.<) anyways...i think this entry in getting too long..i wish all the good days end to all of you XD ahaha joke joke...PEACE OUT!

PS: i love you hero! ^_^

a new try everyday

i woke a little late this morning (yes 9.30 is still early for me to handle. problem?) because i slept kinda late last night (12.45 is early!) wtching trueblood season 4 which is quite interesting...witches included this time!! woooo! watch them fall!

aaanyways....i had a nightmare that woke me up again in the middle of the night...which i'd rather not tell because it was awsomely weird and out of topic soo moving on...right now im alone with my brothers in the house...nothing much to do other than waiting for Bleach to start on the tv...

i thought of trying to write as much as i can today...i got all of ideas in store in my head...but the problem is the fact that i cant seem to make my ideas into words...heeesh -__- soo far, its moving like a slug...soo much of trying to finish it by this year...

my cousin's UPSR results is today...hope she gets the straight A's that she deserves...i mean she's a smart girl...im sure she's gonna nail it down...and hopefully i will too for my big PMR results..

it's currently about 3am in the morning in London by now...and i think im feeling a little jet lagged...b'cause, well, its the fact that it's about 11 am here...hmmm...im missing him...i can't help but always glance at my phone to see if there was any text from him...but of course there isn't any...its too expensive...hmmm...oh well...i guess its just me who must wait...i'm sure he'll be back soon...if my god wills it..

nothing new...just an update

it's driving me mad, i miss you so bad :')

hola amigos, Max here coming back from the dead with nothing my a sore arm from yesterday's badminton game...i am currently and my hometown...which i will not state the location..haha! im half dying of boredom coz i just cant seem to find anything to do unless it's updating this blog and trying to write my stories or even watch some ghost hunter's episodes...

im missing my one true hero right now...he's all the way in London...WITHOUT ME... not that im offended...or anything..but i surely wished that i'm with him..plus it's close to winter..i bet it freezing there...he must be jack lagged by now...coz if im not mistaken, it's suppose to be 12 in the afternoon there...hehe..

well, there's the up side of it...i've been really dependent on him for calming myself down...i mean, i've been very emotional nowadays...which i am severely NOT proud of at all...he's been calming me down...so, im just taking this opportunity to not depend on him for my own selfish emotions...and hero...if you read this...i seriously want you to not to worry about me...and it's because i love you that i dont want you to worry...

i know i know...im being lovey dovey...but if you have a problem with that..please kindly F*%& off...it just means you're never in love before and never will be...Anyways...i guess i'd stop here for now...i don't really have anything to say coz there wasn't anything going on at all today...but i will update again tomorrow if i get the pleasure of living this life yet again for another day...i'll disappear..for now... PEACE OUT!

PS: I LOVE YOU HERO!! ^_^

my one 100th post!! XD

hola amigos! Max is back with a joyful post today...sory about tHe last time..i had a little trouble getting back my witts...XD as you can see, this is my official 100th blog entry! YAAAY!...I dont know if that's a good thing but who in this FREAGIN' UNIVERSE CARES!? (if you do, back off buck!) anyways...right now im at my granmother's friend's house...and let me tell you...his house is actually a real SPA....i mean it...damn the place is just freakin peaceful and gorgeous...if i were to live here...well...lets just say mom won't see me in a week because i'd be searching and making hiding spots of my own...XD wooo! anyways...we came here after a few badminton game wih my cousin Syakir...

the funny thing is...we're the youngest and the most energetic but we still got beaten bad by a bunch of old ladies which is a little humiliating for our generation of youthXD..well, a least we gave them a shot...and let me say...badminton is a really good sport coz i just got sweating like a pig after an hour of playing...anyways..poor Syakir...he's dying of boredom right now...well i have to admit i am bored too...but i got my phone and music and Clarissa to accompany me...so i guess i'll manage...

im going back to my home town tomorrow which i will not tell the location...at all...so find out yourself..(that's not an encouragement...dont find out XD) i dont know why im this hyped up right now...ok at least my mind is...my body is just sore and tired...but hell im doin' this for hero...he wanted me to be out of the dark pit of despair...i couldn't do it last night so i guess im taking this chance to say im sorry...well...he's going to london so i dont really want him to spend his time there sulking over me...(if you do hero i will personall kill you wen you get back you hear?)

anyways...i guess i better sop now...this isn't my computerso i shouldn't be using i too much...im raised to respect people's property...if you have a fuckin problem with that, kindly fuck off...sorry for the swearing...the hyperness is killin' meh!!! hahahhaah oh well, i'll disappear now... PEACE OUT!!

i feel like dying...but i want to live...

it's been fighting, and its hurting like hell

hey guys...i know...i don't sound as joyful to post this...that's because im feeling utterly hopeless and useless...for the pass...uuh...day (yeah its been only a day .is there a problem?)...why? coz my mom thinks im a self-centered bitch (ok mom didn't call me a bitch..that's just me) which i dont really deny coz i am...

and right now im sure that he is denying everything im saying right now. (yes its you hotrod) but this is my heart saying....im not blaming mom for not realizing what i've been keeping inside...okok fine i do blame her a little...i mean...i've been there for her...why cant she be there for me...some times...things like this just makes me feel like i want to just disappear...now wouldn't that be better for them...if they wouldn't remember me...wouldn't it be easier? when a Burden just make her own existence disappear...

you know, i really don't want to take it all out on you guys about this stupid emotional feeling of mine here...but i got no one else to turn to...(hero you're an exception)...i just sooo wish i had a sister...but of course that's not possible...even it if was, we'd be too far of a gap of age...which again isn't much of a good thing at all...soo you all can say im a lonely person at home...obviously mom wouldn't even try to ask me whether im ok or not...

whatever...what my emotions are doesn't matter to them...i guess it shouldn't matter to me...and like the title...i feel like i want to die...but in the same time i just love living...hmm...i dont know...i feel like im actually complaining...which is totally what im doing subconsciously...but oh well...if mom doesn't want to care about my feelings for a change...then...i guess i'd just have to survive on my own...like heck as if im not doing that already...i feel like my head is about to explode but it's being forced down...talk about drama -__-

aaanyways...did i tell you that my uncle is married? i think i did...and ...for the one thing in this blog that isn't freaking emo, is that my uncle and his new wife are ADORABLE! seriously...haaah...wait a minute...did i told you THAT before??? oh well...some thing is wrong with my head...i guess i'd better stop before any of you amigos out there sleep in front of your laptop, desktop, i-pad etc. PEACE OUT!

me + talent show = should i enter? Paramore rocks! XD

Paramore! here are my idols! XD

hola amigos...Max here coming back from a 3 hour nap...to be honest i didn't even feel refreshed...in fact i woke up feeling drained and sick...headache killing me too...but now...its just my nose...aaanyway...back to what i was going to say...we (the students)didn't do much today at school but i seriously didn't expect the presence of guitarist other than me an dainina...if im not mistaken...there was about 5 of us...i was surprised to be honest...

but that isn't the issue...the issue is i got an offer to join a competition - talent show to be exact - next week that i seriously do not know whether i could attend or not...here's the thing...i have my uncle's wedding to attend...i don't know if im going to my hometown from the start of next week or not...depending on my mom's boss who would most probably determine everything...if my mom's boss wont let her take a day off, then im going to my hometown on wednesday...if the opposite happens...well..i'll be gone for the whole week...

the competition is on the 15th of November...to be honest i've never performed with clary in front of many people before...and im actually pretty nervous when i think of it...but i guess i can do it...just like what my new favourite moto tells me...One move, One dream, One victory....well..it won't hurt to try it out right?? maybe i'd gain confidence if i do it...soo hopefully...my mom wont get the day off...XD wow im a bad daughter...0_0

anyways...for sure i wont go for the solo...that'll kill me..so i end up going for the group...and hero? this is not a official saying that im entering...XD but i'm going from no to yes...maybe i will...i'm feeling the pull of the music world...singing my name to come and join...*dramatic music*ahahaha...oh well...that's all for now...i know that's not much of an info but i feel like i should just tell you readers out there...the hell with the necessity...go hit yourself with a bus...jump off a cliff...go die..okok...dont kill yourself..XD PEACE OUT!!

nothing is too hard if you try...

this is Kazura. one of the sketches that i successfully drew.

hola amigos, MaxFury is back from eating at a restaurant and going to my grandma's house...i've been trying to nail down on drawing this cartoon in this comic i enjoyed reading called Helios Eclipse...the characters all looked easy to do but when i picked up my pencil and tried it out...out of about 8 characters i only nailed 2...and even that i was copying it from the comic...but let me tell you, i did it...and finished it...

but at least its 90% the same as the comic...for some reason, when i look when i draw, it wont turn out the way i wanted...but when i closed the book and just visualized it, i could nail it...funny when you think about it again...anyways...all i want to say is..nothing is impossible in this freaking obnoxious world...not if you just try your hardest then you'd be able to achive it no matter what...now i don't want to sound like a big hypocrite...believe me, i've been telling myself that exact same words for countless times now...and alot of times i get my result and proof of those words but i kept on forgetting it...somebody just neesd to remind me...

so all of you out there who thinks that there's a lot of things in the world that is IMPOSSIBLE...then hear my advice...if you think you cant handle the mission impossible that life gave you all the time, then go to the edge of a cliff and shoot yourself in the head...'cause you're not worthy of having a freaking life...i know...i sound overrated but you know what? being overrated could atleast help yourself and also other people...believe it...

aaanyways...im planning to sleep late tonight...so far i can't seem to sleep early...even if i did, i'd have to be VERY tired or ATE some drug that knocked me out...if not, i'd have trouble sleeping and end up sleeping later than i want to...so better tire myself out first...soo right now, im just going to watch pirates of the caribean 4...the mermaids in the movie gave me ideas for my stories...seriously...they...are...COOL!... anyways...i gotta flash...PEACE OUT!

my first Creme Brulee !! XD

aaah...a'la sweet de'la Creme Brulee XD

hola amigos...it's monday and i (MaxFury) was not at school this morning because i (and schoolmates) are all having 2 days off..im not happy about that but hey, i found myself lazy to go to school today when i woke up SO WHAT THE HECK...anyways...

im here, in my lovely home with my mother alone, just randomly posting this....the dweebs are at gran's house while dad is out playing golf (obviously)...wanna know what im doing now? you sure? well, im just waiting for an episode of Nura : Rise of the yokai clan to load...seriously...once you just happen to found a good quality episode to watch (thanx hero!!) the loading period is just SLOW...When i mean slow...i mean VERY SLOW...soo slow that i'd rather kill myself than wait...but i love life too much...so lets get that idea out of everyone's mind...

even though i feel like today was sooo BORING, at least i went out with mom...owh just accompanying her to buy some stuff for my uncle's wedding...we had lunch at San Fransisco Pizza restaurant down in Wangsa Maju...we ate there and man...the Creme Brulee!!! God i never taste something so DAMN FANTASTIC IN MY LIFE! i never ate creme brulee before...not once in my entire life... so i just thought i'd give it a try..Man DID I GET A SHOCKING GREATEST TASTE! it was sooo good that i asked mom for a second one...and downed that one in under 2 minutes...i'd do anything to have another right now...0_0 *drooling*

anyways...i better not talk about it much...my mouth is watery right now...0_0...after all that feast which consist of a salmon steak - i'd prefer salmon in sushi style a lot more - nachos, Caesar salad and the two creme brulee, i still want to eat...heesh...darn my weird appetite...well...honestly there not much i want to tell you...just the creme brulee part...seriously...i just LOVE it...anyways, since i dont want to bored you readers out there out, i guess i should be on my way to somewhere...that im not sure of...maybe to spain or france XD...ahahha Dream ON...PEACE OUT!!

Just me and boredom...we're such best friends -__-

there are times when you just constantly wish for that particular year (like this year for instance) to end quickly...but of course, you never expect it to just zoomed pass you before you could say wait...hola amigos...MaxFury is back...in boredom and emo-ish mood i guess...why? b'cause i only have 12 hours with my hero next week...damn it seems like it was just yesterday that it was January...but it's November now....a month before i turn 15 years 6 months old...before the holidays conquers our lives with the ups and downs as it always had been since eons ago. (if holidays even exist at that time)

anyways...i got nothing to do tonight and im practically alone in the house...my family went out to buy some things...i decided to just stay behind...yeah...call me a lazy ass and i'd accept that as a compliment...im just posting this just to kill time...im sure the tv has nothing to offer since mom "eliminated" the Animax channel -__-...anyways, i wanted to write a chapter idea but i never really thought of anything much for it...the chapter idea is for the co-op story me and sofiya are still thinking about...though we already got the ideas and characters and story line...the problem is our ideas aren't that consistent yet so we barely wrote a single letter...

other than that, i've run out of books to sink my mind into and more books that i want to buy are out in books stores...wait...why am i telling you this lame things? WTF...sorry its a normal routine...making boredom as your best friend is, trust me, the worst decision you would make in your entire life...i seriously feel like filling up my schedule so i'd get my ass off my bed and do something useful instead of getting yelled at...like going to music class or have some sparring but nooooo...those things are like dreams now...i know...i sound emo...that's because i am...VERY actually...pathetic of me...

oh well whatever...dreams are meant to be crushed to pieces...anyways...my uncle is finally getting married...and congratulations to him...he's the last to be married in mom's family and that's a great thing...i wonder if i'd survive that long till it's my turn to get married XD (i know you're daydreaming hero) i know this post ain't that fun guys...but i haven't got anything interesting going on in my life unless its the bullet holes that life had shot me...oh well...i guess i'd post later...after i think i've experienced enough adventure that would satisfy me for the rest of my life...PEACE OUT!

eels, sweat, mud, bamboo, and coconuts..Result = Soreness of Limbs

hola amigos, i wanted to post sooner...like yesterday for instance, but hey..i just got back from a fun but insane and f-ing tiring day so what the heck right? right now, im living by the name in this site...MaxPain...why? because im in pain...and soreness...seriously..i could barely move without limping...and wincing from my aching developing muscles ( heeesh i sound overrated)

anyways..all i wanted to tell you guys this time is about my trip to melaka for the last two days with my loco amigos from school....i have to say we didn't really do anything much but damn did we had a good...no good is an understatement...we had an amazing-spectaculawsome time there...since its a kind of a long story, i might as well just cut it short.

on the first day after being crazy in the bus, stashing our luggage in our rooms in a small dormitory at the Homestay facility (which it's name escapes me) we had lunch and went to a paddy field...just beside the border between Melaka and Johor...separated by a river...there was a clearing and it was wet due to the rain...(monsoon season...what can you possibly expect)

there, we just played some cool traditional games...the best part was when my friend sofiya jumped into some kinda mote...well, lets just say everyone was freaking out and laughing their ass off at the same time XD...then after being muddy and wet we went walking around the paddy field...and went loco there too...i mean, c'mon we were all city girls...we don't walk at the paddy field often in our lives...and after that is over we went back, gotten ready and went to the night cruise which was what i've experienced before so lets skip that...

we all slept late that night and woke up very early ( hey 6am is still too early for the night angel) we had a explore race activity that morning...that's where the title of this post came from...ok this one is LONG...i'll just explain in shorts...our first check point, we played with eels...which for me was AWSOME...coz i was thinking of sushi and the eel was so CUTE! second check point, was loading a long bamboo with dozens of holes with water (it's harder than it seems) after getting our faces with mud, we went to the next check point which is mostly filling pails with water by holding the ends of ropes...hard to explain, moving on...check point 4 was just collecting rubber from the rubber tree which made our hands seriously puke-smelling...and then we cracked a coconut without using anything but slamming it to a concrete base with brute force...it took us half and hour to do it but we did it...that was mission impossible right there...

me and my best loco buds were last team to finish everything but we all enjoyed them all even if we were covered in blood (that's mostly me, i hurt my elbow), sweat and mud...after a congratulations from the guy that handled us all, we went back and got ready to go home...we got out showers we went to eat some lunch...here's the cool part...after i ate (vigorously) i jammed with another guy that we call 'abang sedih/ceria/whistle' who turned out to be an amazing guitarist, he's at least 30 something years old...i played clarissa while he played his guitar...he's soo good and im actually missing him right now...he's soo cool and i admire him...to bad it was just a few minutes when i had to go...man was i disappointed when i stopped playing with him...then, i just thought maybe i could see him again one day..soon enough...after that we went to the bus and were on our way back to the concrete jungle...

all in all...i am f-ing sore right now but always thinking of the great time i had...i wished to go there again next year..and hopefully i will...that's all for now...but i'll be back again with my stories...PEACE OUT!

ps: i have pictures...but i haven't uploaded it yet...i will post it afterwards...till then...

me, X-box, best bud and a boy who just needs a play mate

hola amigos, Max here with her mind...im not doing anything right now so i just thought i would just post things here...the hell with the fact of necessity...WHO THE F*&# CARES RIGHT? anyways, school today was HORRIBLE...hear me? H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E...whY?

1. it was BORING

2. i regret not bringing my guitar

3.we did nothing

4.we got nothing to do

5. boredom was practically killing every kid in the freaking physics

i mean seriously...i never had been that regretful for a long time...But owh well...what happened after school was something at least...i came back with the normal soreness of sleeplessness from last night...i was planning to go online when my friend called me and invited me to her house...and why im excited about it? i get to play her FREAKING X-BOX! SERIOUSLY, i only played the X-box twice in my life...and yeah...i went there...

i hang out for a while..and played...she had a brother and he was playing HALO 3..i wanted to play that game...but oh well...i seems boring...so we ended up playing this game called "Split Second"...now when i say that game is addicting, i mean it...i couldn't help but win a few races...and then, i noticed something...

even though my friend's brother seem to enjoy himself for himself, he's just a boy who's lonely and had no play mates...i mean he was the only boy in his family and the only game freak....since i'm the big sister who is in charge of two little dweebs and just happens to be hardcore and love games as much as i love books, i know what he feels...so i guess (not to sound overly overrated) he had a great time playing with me...i mean, i think he hardly could enjoy a game with only himself to accompany him...and i enjoyed myself too...i'm looking forward to visit them again...

anyways...i feel like im writing too much and i ain't want to bored you guys half to death about me enjoying playing a game with some kid...well, all i want to do now is talk to my love, (you know it's you hero) and just enjoy my never ending nightmares tonight...PEACE OUT!

Want time? go steal it XD

Best Budds are your life

hola amigos...Max here coming to you with the unnecessary things in her mind...should i say today was cool? yes...for the first time after weeks i finally got the relaxation i needed...before it all went away...i went out with my friends today...even though there were only three of us, we sure had a great time together...after buying the tickets for the movie titled IN TIME, me, ainaa, and sof went to play 2 games of bowling...for once, i really feel like we should have warmed up a bit before we start playing...coz i noticed i was having finger cramps...oh well..

anyways, after that, we ate some lunch and watched the movie...to be honest there's not much going on in the story but it was interesting...i could say it was actually pretty cool...mostly it's about people of the future programmed to NOT age after 25...but you have to earn time if you ever want to live long...if you run out of time you die...ok to make things simple...in the movie, time was money....there...do the math...

after that we literally got nothing to do so we just went to the Tutti Fruity and ate some frozen yogurt...then we just hit the arcade...for the first time i didn't buy a book...NOT A SINGLE FREGGIN' BOOK...well, the book store had nothing to offer me so what the heck right? to be honest today was really relaxing...no thinking of stress...no thinking of problems...just me hangin' out with my to best budds and have fun...yeah....sometimes you just don't want these kind of days to past...but of course, time won't stop...we could only manage to steal the time as opportunities...

well, it'd be better if hero was there...but in a way...it was better he wasn't there (don't take this the wrong way hero. btw, i love you!). it was girl's day out anyway...right now, im just telling you this stuff so i could just get the ghetto out of me...im bored but hey...i had fun(i can say that again)...so right now i just want to say thank you Ainaa for joining me and sofiya today...it's been a long time since i saw you so it was nice to finally hang out with you budd ^__^ anyways...i can't write everything in my head out...too much stories to tell..but hey...at least i'll write you again sooner or later(hopefully)....well, i'll disappear...PEACE OUT!

Just go with it

IMAGINE THIS IS ME...-__-

Buenos noches amigos...Max returns with something unnecessary in her mind...like how much i wasn't enjoying today...heck yeah! why? 'cause it's a freaking WEEK OFF...anyways...other than lounging around watching Ghost Hunters and fattening myself out, i was....uhh...well...lounging around...there was seriously and honestly NOTHING IN THIS WHOLE FISH-MAGGOT UNIVERSE that i could possibly do unless its the usual routine of eating and sitting and destroying my eyes with the computer screen (it rhyms!XD) as you can obviously notice i changed the tittle of my blog...why? Cause i feel like the old one doesn't quite fit in my current life situation...so there you go...a reason...if you guys were ever wondering...

so anyways,i was going to post earlier today but somehow i got stuck on wtv i was planning to say...dunno if that were possible but hey, im a freggin' human...so i ended up just listening to music...and of course doing nothing...ok i dont know why that all i'm posting in this oh-so-boring blog of mine here is always about me trapped in boredom...you know why? b'cause, my fellow amigos out there who are frantically leaving this site, i can't take all the steam out of on a wall coz i will hurt myself and my boyfriend would go all parental on me ( out of the topic...i love you hero! even if you act like a freggin' dad. XD)

so anyways, my best budd sofiya and I are going out tomorrow to Wangsa Walk...oh just hangin' out and watch a movie and maybe play some bowling...i've invited another best budd of mine and hopefully she could come 'cause if not than it'll just be me and Sof...-__- which i am positive that you girls out there will definitely think it ain't gonna be fun...but oh well...at least i could get out of the house...

oh, and hero, if you're reading this, sorry i didn't invite you but its an all girls occasion...but at least we could hopefully see each other next week...(again...i just FREAKING love you) dang my lovey doveyness...oh well, i can't be here for long...i need to get some shut eye...since i need to get up in time if i ever want to go out with my best budds...well...PEACE OUT WORLD!

nothing to the best, the best to the nothing...

so for starters, i was hoping for a nice sleep last night...and yes i did have a nice sleep...thanx to the new mattress...i finished Maximum Ride's third book...which was cool...i wont say it was Epic...Epic are the books that would make me go crazy just to wait for the next book to be bought...like skulduggery pleasant for instance...whatever, now enough about books...as a normal teenager would do i woke up late today (heck who the hell doesn't) now here i am...just posting this nonsense like i always do...ok not always but still..just listening to my heroes (when their songs are all rock hard instead of now which is just plain soft for me to handle) Linkin Park...

im out of music to listen to...seriously...anyways, i have a field trip to go to next week...which i don't know if im that phsyc about it or not...honestly though i've been to the place for many times now but at least its with friends...that would be a first...update on my missing thumbdrive....still missing...oh well...im sure it's somewhere in my house...

and let me tell you one thing..boredom is one thing i hate...but watching my brother pathetically playing the PS2 is driving me crazy...seriously...even the game has no motif other than teaching kids swear words and be perverted...-__- but noooo....they still play the freaking game anyway... seriously world! create games that are less perverted for god sake and for the sake of our children's minds!! i mean c'mon...heads up people!! no wonder this world is full of violence...exposing kids to games like that...

oh what the hell, who am i kidding? i play games that are violent anyways...and watch movies that are f-ing violent...and full of swear words... so i take back my words...XD go knock yourselves out with those violence kids! XD okok dont listen to me coz im a lunatic...anyways...im going to write a chapter review of my story now...i'll catch you guys later... PEACE OUT!

Food, chocolate, cookies, soup...and still feel hungry

buenos noches amigos...the night angel is back..(i seriously have to stop calling myself that) just came back from having dinner at Wangsa Walk....and i ate sushi...SUSHI SASHIMI MAN! and ofcourse i ate the usual unagi and 2 salmon rolls....but even after that i still feel like i want to munch a bunch of burgers in one go...heesh...darn my eating appetite...when i and my family (mom,dad and the dweebs)went there,finally my brother had on something that was CASUAL on instead of looking like a freaking wannabe nerd for crying out loud...seriously...that boy really shouldn't look at Justin Bieber's fashion sense...

anyways, im currently full...kinda...i have a feeling i'd be searching for food afterwards...i wanted to buy another story book to get my mind on but apparently..mom asked me to wait...so since im raised to just agree..i agree...ok for some reason now im thinking of pastrami and tiramisu and chocolate dipped marshmallows...0__0 i cant be that into food right now am i??

either that or maybe its because of my weird appetite swings...sometimes im freaking hungry but only manage to eat so little...then i'd go hungry again and hunt for some decent food to munch on...ok..enough about food...i can say that im half pissed off coz i lost my freaking thumbdrive yet again for the gazillionth time...i seriously need to get my bearings...oh well...im gonna finish my novel...thank god that arif had a copy...woooo!!! peace out for now...(if i live through tonight)

BEAN BAGS! XD

hola guys! i wont say today was a pretty day...well that's a comment from a night angel like me...who mostly just always adored the night rather than the day...i can look out the window right now and just happen to see the surroundings kinda dark and gloomy as it always is at this time of the day...its going to rain...yet again...well typical weather here in my good old country...even if it rains at least it's not scorching hot like always...

now when i read what i wrote back on the first paragraph of this post...i just said 'always' 3 times...XD...anyways...i was just busy reading alone in my oh-so-private domain when a couple of guys came with the new MATTRESSES!! hurrraaaaay!! no more back pains that would make me feel like a 100 year old lady every time i wake up...owh and also...i got the BEAN BAG!! i've been wanting those things for the year! at first when i saw the red bean bag mom had bought i just asked her if i can get one in my room...damn did it shock me when she said the red one was MINE! i practically yelled 'yes' and howled like a werewolf up the stairs and stash my bean bag in my room...XD

i dont know why i howled exactly...it gave me a wierd feeling when i did...oh well...anyways...nothing had gone through last night...just a weird nightmare as usual...and a frequent pain at my ribs that's annoying me...oh well...COINCIDENCE is what i call it...yadayadayada...now if you wanted to know what went on yesterday well i just hung out at my best friends house...even if we didnt do anything that exciting other than just singing random lyrics that our minds come up with, i had a good time...at least i can see the hero that i loved...and yeah...im just louging on my new bed...doing nothing...which translate to trying not to finish my novel to soon...i mean seriously...i'm like half way through it in 3 hours...heeeeh 0_0

well im just going to stare at the world like a boss and then just shut my eyes...hoping i will be fighting like i always do....wtv im talking nonsense now... -__-

Parachute...

hey guys...Max here, coming back from the dead...i woke up early today which was actually a miracle for me...since im totally not that of a day person...i thought it was already 1pm in the afternoon...turns out its just 11am...which caught me by surprise...now i know you're wondering why i put a band's name for a title...well...i just wanna say that Parachute is now officially my favorite band.. i mean im like addicted with their song "kiss me slowly"...seriously...i cant stop listening to the freaking song...

i got the chords already...just need to fix Clarissa and i'll be on my way on mastering the song... their songs are so sweet to hear... i mean, as a guitarist (rookie), i've been trying to compose my own song..but failed every time...'cause i can't seem to get the melody right...though im trying...just need alittle help thats all...well...i have a dream to be a musician...but Dad wont let me be one...

to be honest i love music in every way...its when it just reflects on who you are every time you sing a song...at times you just express yourself when you write a song...plus...i love music as much as i love art...music IS a form of art am i right? its the matter of me saying 'if only...' every time i think of music...you can ask my hero about me with music...he'll answer your question with no doubt in either his voice or expression of his handsome face...

i remember every time i play my guitar i just love to hear the sound it makes...i sometimes look at the sky and just sang random words out loud... at times i got good lyrics out..but after i just forget them...oh well...but i keep on trying to finish up a song...hopefully i get to finish one...i almost did with one song...but i just cant get the melody...well...it doesn't mean im going to stop loving music just because i cant get a song running...well...i'd better get started...be back in a day... PEACE OUT! XD

Another day to waste

today i woke up with a tired feeling...mostly because i had a bad nightmare that shot me awake early in the morning...i mean seriously...who would not get creeped out by a toy car and a doll which looked like chucky in the movie the seed of chucky moving by itself and coming towards you...and trying to kill you...heeesh...after that i was alone at home since my parents were out picking my bro's from their football training...i did nothing but made myself a good high cholesterol cheese sandwich...

after that i just went online...and almost cried my eyes out when i heard the song 'forever and always' by the parachute...seriously...that was the most sad song i've EVER heard in my life...then just tried to write Night Angels ( my unfinished novel if you're wondering)...after that i just found out that a motoGP rider died in a collission here in this country's circuit...thats the first death recorded...Simoncelli was a great rider after Danny Padrosa and Rossi in my list...well...RIP Simoncelli...

well, where there's bad news, the good news came after that...THE ALL BLACKS BEAT FRENCH ASS!!! WOOOO! well i didn't get to watch the game since i have to babysit and be a lifeguard to my brothers at the club swimming pool...-__- oh well...as long as my All Blacks heroes won the battle for me...anyways...i am running out on things to say here so i'll just disappear for a minute...chao!!!

Sometimes,,,simple things just makes you smile...and at times,you just wish there's no such things as 'week-off's'

its time to stop thinking of misery...that thing is just nothing but a pesky little tiny bug that just bug your life...i dont think i made any sense...XD...all im trying to say is...every time misery bits you in the ass, its just the matter of you choosing to let it hurt or just ignore it...today was a pretty tiring day...woke up with a bad cramp at my legs...and ended up doing chores anyway... after that, there was a birthday party i had to attend which killed me in boredom...and what do you know? it's already 10.15pm....time goes soo fast when you're boring yourself out...

what i hate about holidays is when you just got nothing to do... when that happens you go all lazyass...and when that happens you get yelled at...and when THAT happens you just feel like committing suicide right on the spot...boredom is every freaking teenager's nemesis...sometimes i just don't understand when we were little kids, we use to jump all over the house because holidays is here...then we'll go loco...but now? heeeeeeesh.......that's all i could say...

now what i want to say regarding the title -- the first part of the title -- is that i just read my best friends blog a few minutes ago...Ainina...since i have no idea what to say to you other than thank you...i will personally compose a song for you...which i suspect will sound very bad (heck i don't even know if i could finish it) as a token of the great things you said...even if i don't really gotten use to people saying that (i seriously don't want to sound overrated)...but anyways...all i can say right now is that you're the best friend i've had this year...you're FREAKING awesome and cool...and i never met a friend like you (it rhymes! XD)...looking forward to take on the dead seas of a week-off...peace out!

ps: what i said might be nothing compared what you said about me...and again...you
are a spectaculawsome friend! ^__^

Conflicted....-__-

now i don't really know why i use that title for this one...ok to be honest...i can't believe im still meddling over my decision whether to bring Clarissa (my guitar) or not tomorrow...i've decided that i want to... with the encouragement from my beloved friends and my beloved hero...you know who...and they all wanted me to sing..with is somewhat my personal fear of humiliating myself...

today was ok...at least there was something for me and the other students to do something to kill the boredom...today, i(and friends) made a very-long-and-such-a-pain-in-the-ass-when-we're-making-it nation flag. it was kind fun...aside from the part when my knees and knuckles had to be treated with and ice-pack when i got home...we spent about 5 hours to finish up everything..believe me...when i say it's tiring...it is...imagine yourself feeling like and old lady/man with a back problem...that's what it feels like...

anyways...i wanted to ditch school sooo much...but then...mom wont let me...oh well..in a way...staying at school is way better than being at home where you could commit suicide because of boredom...unless you're a nerd who studies all the time...or if you're a numb-nut robot XD...if you're asking what i'm doing right now i'd say i'm doin' nothing but thinking of swiss chess and macaroni...and yes...im just freaking HUNGRY...-__-

When everything tries to bring you down...

hey amigos...i know...i know...first of all i like to welcome myself back from the dead pits of busyness in this Epic examination year...all that is over now...i did the best i can even when i feel i didn't really did it all out...oh well..i better not be thinking about it now...my parents ain't really helping me with the after effects of stress i had.. heck, im on my own... though it doesn't mean im not going to fight...but even when i told myself that about half a billion times i still feel like im falling...i don't really know if i could survive but i somehow am still standing after all that....i mean not without bullet holes in my chest that life shot at me with misery...but somehow....im still standing...

even after i hurt my knuckle's after punching the wall out of anger and frustration...or after i tortured myself by doing workouts until my legs were like jelly...i still stood up...though i have noooo idea how long i could last...most of my friends told me that sooner or later, i would eventually explode...and i honestly don't know what will happen...what i'll do...sometimes...i fell like it's better if im soulless and emotionless...

maybe it's an automatic response that i subconsciously fight for my life everyday...just barely getting through the night with nightmares i now can barely remember... people say im determined...i don't understand them at all...in fact, i don't understand why people call me brave, nice or even a great friend...i fell like a horrible person when they say that..im a hypocrite...self-centered...overrated...but they still say im good...

or maybe its because i don't believe in myself...i haven't got confidence...because i never get them...i never put confidence in my head...because i always do what people think is right..not what I think is right...i tried to make myself believe...but no...i couldn't...im always afraid of what people think...and you guys all think im such a brave person....heeesh...but right now, feeling like a branded traitor of a nation and exiled from the world...i find myself walking in my own path...and from the start...i know that path is never going to end unless i drop dead in the middle of it...i'll keep walking...and i'll fall...then...with my bleeding legs...i kept walking...

alone, bored, nothing to do

hey guys...i know..i said i would write every weekend. but hey...im a teenager with a FREAKING busy days...i was alone at home doing nothing today...my family went to watch a golf tournament...i know..that would just kill me...anyways. i teted arif and sof...guess what...the girl who's going to play the role of Renesme in Breaking Dawn is just ADORABLE!!! she's soooo cute!!!! no wonder she's a model...fooooh...well imma grab some nachos...and go upstairs in my room...and mind my own business...and play my guitar...blablabla bye!

a possible week of boredom...but there's a chance it'll be alright.

hey guys...i won't say i had a great let alone good one...but i was satisefied for some obvious reason that im not sure of myself. heck i never am sure of anything nowadays. my nights is still the usual nightmare full nights. and i'm having a week off next week. plus i'm going to a short vacation with my family tomorrow. just relaxing our minds and everything necessary. there's not much i could tell...all i know is that i'm a little nervous about my oral presentation that's going to be happening in three weeks time...i'm going to do about my guitar...and i amd FREAKING nervous to actually sing in front of the whole class...i mean...i don't really have that of a good voice...but i'm still going to do it anyways...it's my only option...anyways...i'm going to write my story...since i need to take this opportunity to get to write after a long time...hehe...wish me luck...

week of terror....

yes..my dear reader...this week had been a week of terror...i mean, the teachers were totally taunting the students in my class with the previous exam results...im not saying it's a bad thing or anything but still it was full of terror! OK ok...i don't really know what to name the title so i just did a random one which is actually technically true...well...what i can tell you about this week that it's just fine...i guess... i could stop hanging out with max (the cat)because he's just sooo adorable! for a perverted cat at least...my nightmares hadn't gone away...for all i know is that it maybe wont..funny im not going crazy right now...a weaker soul would have be sent to an insane asylum months ago...im more curious about them instead of cursing them...it's ironic when i use the nightmares as an inspiration for a book im writing...aaaanyways...i can't figure out what i should do for my individual oral that maybe be on next week...i thought of playing Clarissa in front of the whole class...but i don't know...i have a serious stage fright to deal with...though, I've already wrote and composed a song for me to sing...aaaagrh....it is sooooo going to be embarrassing...but hey...i just have to do it anyway...well...sofiya IS coming over tomorrow to help me with the song...just in case it sounds lame...and it seems like im the only one who is going to do something like that...fooooh...sometimes...i feel like jumping off a buiding and save myself from all of this stress!!

I'M BACK!

whoooaho... how long has it been eh? almost a year...i know...i never get the chance to do anything for the past year...i would really like tell you all that has happened...but too much to be written in words...oh well..i'll shorten them for ya! last year was....uhh...lets just say if was fine...nothing good or bad happened...there's always ups and downs...all i know everything had changed...on me that is...i started to had these nightmares and blablabla yadayadayada...there's not much that's interesting..
though about this year...all i could get my mind blowing itself up is my final term big gigantic exam that im suppose to be worried about... i had to ditch my basketball tournament..not because mom and dad told me to (actually that's one of the reasons) but it was my own decision...i couldn't get myself to skip school just because of that...im weak at math soo i aint going to sacrifice my victory for a tournament...aaaaaaaaaaaaanyways...i dont know if i've told you guys yet..but right now im writting two novels...i know..sound impossible for a almost 15-year old kid..but hey, my first one is almost done and the second one is...uuh...still the process...hopefully those books im making would get to the shelves of the stores...and then...the big screens...that would be awsome!!! XD
well...i'm a little busy these days...i could only be online on the weekends...soo...dont expect me to post almost everyday...but dont worry...i'll update everything that goes on to you guys...welll.....i bid all you people out there a good year and days and enjoy your life all you can!! wooooh! XD