THE END

what's worst than suicide? getting a hell lot of pain that comes smacking at the middle of my chest...im not sure why but my emotions are driving me crazy...driving me insane would be the exact statement...i seriously dont want hero to worry... i honestly dont want him to think of me much right now that he's in London enjoying himself...

he doesn't have to think about me...now let me re-count this...this past week? no...this past...2 weeks i guess...my mind is going out of control...i couldn't control that monster in me any longer... how much i even try...i just ended up making it worst...the last thing i want to do is cry...i know i haven't cried for a dang long time but who the HELL FUCKING CARES! it's my problem that i hate crying...

its not worth all of the tears...for some reason i couldn't even read hero's message in his blog...that pain in my chest amplifies to agony...i practically forced myself to finish reading it...and yeah...its sweet and it reminds me of how much i miss him...but im too fragile...im like a freagin' glass right now for screaming out loud...what's wrong with me? has the loneliness conquered me already?

im not blaming you for going hero...not at all...nor do i care if you lose that bullet necklace i bought you (seriously, i lost mine already)...what i care is you worrying for me...DONT...no matter what the freaking reason you have in mind...and if you even get to read this...i want you to promise me...

b'cause that worry is for a stupid reason...im sure i can still survive...how long? i have no idea...maybe its soon that i start to cut my hands with a knife and enjoy the pain to cover up the agony i have...or maybe its soon that it will all be over...i don't know...i dont understand myself even more than you guys do...im an unsolved murder case...

my heart is hurting again...and i dont like that feeling...it hurts and damn right its f-ing annoying...oh did i tell you i bought a totally emo-ish but cool rockers t-shirt? it has a skull riding a harley XD...ok that was soo out of topic...back to whatever the shit i was talking about and imma cut it out short...my ribs was hurting too...nightmares never stopped, you tell me if that isn't annoying...depression eating me alive...those things will soon probably turn me upside down...CALL ME EMO AND I WON'T CARE FOR ANY SHIT REASON! ( i should just change this blog title to "the voice of a dying survivor")...The story of me... The End...