hey amigos...i know...i know...first of all i like to welcome myself back from the dead pits of busyness in this Epic examination year...all that is over now...i did the best i can even when i feel i didn't really did it all out...oh well..i better not be thinking about it now...my parents ain't really helping me with the after effects of stress i had.. heck, im on my own... though it doesn't mean im not going to fight...but even when i told myself that about half a billion times i still feel like im falling...i don't really know if i could survive but i somehow am still standing after all that....i mean not without bullet holes in my chest that life shot at me with misery...but somehow....im still standing...
even after i hurt my knuckle's after punching the wall out of anger and frustration...or after i tortured myself by doing workouts until my legs were like jelly...i still stood up...though i have noooo idea how long i could last...most of my friends told me that sooner or later, i would eventually explode...and i honestly don't know what will happen...what i'll do...sometimes...i fell like it's better if im soulless and emotionless...
maybe it's an automatic response that i subconsciously fight for my life everyday...just barely getting through the night with nightmares i now can barely remember... people say im determined...i don't understand them at all...in fact, i don't understand why people call me brave, nice or even a great friend...i fell like a horrible person when they say that..im a hypocrite...self-centered...overrated...but they still say im good...
or maybe its because i don't believe in myself...i haven't got confidence...because i never get them...i never put confidence in my head...because i always do what people think is right..not what I think is right...i tried to make myself believe...but no...i couldn't...im always afraid of what people think...and you guys all think im such a brave person....heeesh...but right now, feeling like a branded traitor of a nation and exiled from the world...i find myself walking in my own path...and from the start...i know that path is never going to end unless i drop dead in the middle of it...i'll keep walking...and i'll fall...then...with my bleeding legs...i kept walking...
No comments:
Post a Comment