i feel like dying...but i want to live...

it's been fighting, and its hurting like hell

hey guys...i know...i don't sound as joyful to post this...that's because im feeling utterly hopeless and useless...for the pass...uuh...day (yeah its been only a day .is there a problem?)...why? coz my mom thinks im a self-centered bitch (ok mom didn't call me a bitch..that's just me) which i dont really deny coz i am...

and right now im sure that he is denying everything im saying right now. (yes its you hotrod) but this is my heart saying....im not blaming mom for not realizing what i've been keeping inside...okok fine i do blame her a little...i mean...i've been there for her...why cant she be there for me...some times...things like this just makes me feel like i want to just disappear...now wouldn't that be better for them...if they wouldn't remember me...wouldn't it be easier? when a Burden just make her own existence disappear...

you know, i really don't want to take it all out on you guys about this stupid emotional feeling of mine here...but i got no one else to turn to...(hero you're an exception)...i just sooo wish i had a sister...but of course that's not possible...even it if was, we'd be too far of a gap of age...which again isn't much of a good thing at all...soo you all can say im a lonely person at home...obviously mom wouldn't even try to ask me whether im ok or not...

whatever...what my emotions are doesn't matter to them...i guess it shouldn't matter to me...and like the title...i feel like i want to die...but in the same time i just love living...hmm...i dont know...i feel like im actually complaining...which is totally what im doing subconsciously...but oh well...if mom doesn't want to care about my feelings for a change...then...i guess i'd just have to survive on my own...like heck as if im not doing that already...i feel like my head is about to explode but it's being forced down...talk about drama -__-

aaanyways...did i tell you that my uncle is married? i think i did...and ...for the one thing in this blog that isn't freaking emo, is that my uncle and his new wife are ADORABLE! seriously...haaah...wait a minute...did i told you THAT before??? oh well...some thing is wrong with my head...i guess i'd better stop before any of you amigos out there sleep in front of your laptop, desktop, i-pad etc. PEACE OUT!